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Forms of Abuse

The foundation of all forms of domestic abuse is coercive control.

Coercive control is a range of tactics that leave the victim feeling fearful, intimidated and completely dependent on, or subordinate to the perpetrator. It seeks to take away the victim’s liberty or freedom, to strip away their sense of self. It is not just women’s bodily integrity which is violated but also their human rights.

Emotional and Verbal Abuse

  • Calling you names and putting you down
  • Refusing to trust you and acting jealously or accusing you of cheating
  • Trying to stop you from seeing family or friends
  • Demanding that you tell him where you go, who you call and who you spend time with
  • Putting rules in place about how you do things, for example how long you have to answer calls or texts
  • Trapping you in your home and stopping you from leaving
  • Making threats to hurt you, your children or others you care about including pets
  • Giving you the silent treatment
  • Blaming you for the way he behaves or saying that you are making it up
  • Cheating on you
  • Telling you what to wear, whether you can wear makeup or not
  • Telling you that you can’t do anything right,
  • Threatening that he will have the children taken from you if you leave
  • Telling you that you have no rights because of your immigration status and that you will be deported
  • Making you feel like a bad parent, telling the children not to listen to you
  • Threatening to hurt himself

Physical abuse

  • Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you
  • Stopping you from sleeping
  • Controlling what you eat
  • Hurting you with objects or weapons; for example throwing the remote control at you or threatening you with scissors
  • Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol
  • Harming your children, family or pets

Financial abuse

  • Giving you money and making you tell him how you have spent it
  • Not letting you have any access to the bank account or money
  • Stopping you from working
  • Taking out debt in your name or making you take on debt for him
  • Not giving you money towards household bills when he lives with you
  • Not paying maintenance for children when the relationship has ended

Sexual abuse and coercion

  • Calling you a slut, whore or other names
  • Pressuring you into having sex or performing sexual acts
  • Making you feel guilty or like you owe him sex through threats or force
  • Hurting you with objects during sex
  • Involving other people in sexual activities with you without your consent
  • Ignoring you if you say you don’t want to have sex
  • Forcing you to watch pornography or to participate in the making of it
  • Withholding or controlling your access to contraception and protection
  • Threatening to share intimate images of you with your friends, family, community or online

Digital Abuse

  • Watching your social media accounts i.e. keeping track of who likes your posts, who messages you
  • Sending you negative or insulting messages
  • Using technology to track your movements and activities
  • Sending you explicit pictures without your consent and demanding you send them in return
  • Constantly texting you and making you feel you can’t be separated from your phone
  • Insisting that you give them your passwords to your email or your social media accounts

If you are experiencing domestic abuse, please call us on 01224 593381, email info@grampian-womens-aid.com or complete our online form HERE, for free, confidential advice

When our phone lines are closed, Scotland’s Domestic Abuse & Forced Marriage helpline is always available on 0800 027 1234, email helpline@sdafmh.org.uk or on Web Chat HERE